Happiness

I find it interesting how ne single person can take my mind off my needless worries or wasted obsessions with the past. I have a tendency to dwell and I get caught up if there is nothing to distract me. I've learned many things from my past relationships and I've learned to mold my views to realize more of what I want for myself. I had a friend today say to me that he is sometimes scared entering a new relationship, but it's not good to enter into something jaded from the past. Its tough to want to open up and try something new without pre-judging and seeking out flaws before anything even begins. I've found that the only way to know for sure is try.

I've been constantly thinking of the past as of late - relationships and experiences - and I've been dwelling rather than moving forward. I met someone this past week who's company I enjoy immensely. I haven't been out with anyone "fun" in quite some time - and it feels incredible to be completely comfortable and constantly smiling when you're with someone. My mind has been taken off many of my worries and released the past. I've built up my expectations and I feel I know better now what to look for and I feel that I am partly there. I cannot explain the feeling of being free and happy nonstop. The extreme opposite end of the scale of worry I know all too well. The happiness has come to me and I'm sure it will keep a smile on my face for quite some time. I tread more careful than before and still things progress on par. Smiling feels good. Waking up in the morning wanting to start the day rather than dreading it is a lifted load.

You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.

Lessons

Some people exaggerate some of the time for some of the wrong reasons. Other people exaggerate all of the time for all of the wrong reasons. I was shocked today early on - but I had a quick recovery when I realized that I've come too far in life to spend too much time dwelling on the little things. I used to get hung up and seek restitution but now I know when I shouldn't bother.

I had more fun tonight than I have with anyone in quite some time. I'll admit I underestimated but at the moment it couldn't be better. I was definitely surprised and still am. I'll be smiling through the night tonight I'm sure. Happiness is one of the few things that we make happen in life & no single person can take from us. It's just whether we choose to let it happen or not.

Forgive But Don't Forget

I've had it on my mind a lot as of late. I positively feel that you can't forget or "block out" any single part of a relationship gone bad. You must remember every piece of it and every minute of everyday. Doing away with the bad memories just creates a false bond that never existed. You create a fantasy where your mate was perfect. You remember all the times they made you smile and laugh. All the times you fell asleep next to each other. All the times you went out together or stayed home together. You don't remember all the times they made you cry. All the times you fought and refused to give in. All the times you got jealous or upset or knew in your mind it wouldn't work. Past relationships are all learning experiences for the future. They help us mold our vision of our perfect mate. They make us realize what we want in a person as well as in life. We learn from all our mistakes and experiences - good or bad - and use them to help us narrow our vision in the future. Anyone who tries to only remember the good points of a relationship is only kidding themself.

I had spent some time with a past love sometime after we had been split up. We laughed and smiled and enjoyed each others company. Constantly I asked myself why we shouldn't try again and constantly I had to hurt myself and recall the times I cried or yelled or got upset. It was difficult to do, but albeit the only way to make myself realize it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes we are engulfed by emotion and try and try until we are broken and tired. And most times that does more harm than good. I'm sure some people will say that time apart is good - and they mended their problems and everything worked out. I don't agree or disagree - however I think that you can only try so many times before you have to succumb to reality. There comes a point where you need to give in and realize what's right and what's not.

It hurts to lose someone. It hurts to know they will fall asleep next to someone else in the future and laugh and smile with them. Its that hurt that makes you want to work out the problems, but at the same time its what makes you realize its not meant to be. It's all a vicious circle. Basically - don't forget all the good times you had. And definitely never lose the bad times. Life is about learning, and then learning some more. We should never "try to forget" about any bad experiences. Doing so just makes a narrow minded ignorant person.

I'll end with this:

One cannot and must not try to erase the past

merely because it does not fit the present.

Lost Love

I was gonna write a whole little rant tonight ... but I'm tired .. and I read this today and it summed it all up .. so here ..


I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
Margaret Mitchell